Internet Celebrity

If you don’t know who Chris Crocker is then you are better off for it.

This emotional wreck of a man/woman rose to fame by way of his passionate defense of his idol Brittney Spears, and now we can all sit back in quiet admiration as we watch his fifteen seconds of fame evaporate faster than a twenty dollar bill in the hands of a homeless man.

Today a video of Mr. Crocker desperately hawking t-shirts came across my view, and it sent me on a roller coaster of emotions.

At first I laughed out loud.
Then made a sandwich.
Then started to feel an ounce of sadness.
Then sat down to write because this confused me.



If you skim through YouTube you can find all sorts of nobodies like Chris Crocker trying to entertain you with skits, political rhetoric, acts of stupidity, and the such. Each seems to be hoping that their existence, which has amounted to a bank account of $34 and a permanent residence in their grandma’s basement, will somehow be redeemed if they become famous.

So the internet has become a garbage can for folks like this. Limited skills all hoping to win the proverbial jackpot of fame and fortune, which perpetuates the messiah complex that this country has. They don’t have to work because one day they will be saved by the state Lottery, Allah, scratch- offs, YouTube, a rich boyfriend, the Easter bunny, Jesus Christ, Santa Claus, or the laundry list of other pipe dreams that act as a buffer to accepting a reality that they may just die a nobody.

But hey, Mr. Rodgers told us we could be anything we wanted to be. So we will continue to sit back and watch the endless supply of town jesters perform themselves into a future of hawking t-shirts, and sadly realize that every time we click on their video we validate their life in some small way.

Time Management Time

As we grow older we become more aware that time is running out. From the moment we took our first breath we began to die. and our time is more rare than any mineral or dollar bill. The problem is managing it effectively is damn hard to do.

So as myself and the peers from my graduate program plunge into our first weeks of summer internships it seemed appropriate to share a rather beneficial video that came across my observation, and provide some tips toward freeing up some time for exploring.

Randy Pausch, who is a professor at Carnegie Mellon and terminally ill with cancer, gave a speech at the University of Virginia about getting the most out of a day. Usually I’m not one for “motivational talks”, but this is a pretty good. Keep in mind that this man is an engineer so his processes are very precise and perhaps a bit more extreme than most folks can handle, but there are some nuggets to be pulled out that I hope will curb some habits.

Freedom of Speech

Notice the reaction differences in these two countries.


Hungry

Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO


America

John Kerry, U.S. Senator

"President Charley"

Step aside from the bias a formal education provides us and assume this young lady is not insane.

It's far more interesting to ponder what kind of economic and family background promoted these theatrics? It could be safe to assume it was one where resources were limited, and territory guarded. In a situation of diminished assets standing up to the encroachment of others could manifest into the physical outburst we see here. Reminds me of an angry rooster marking off territory.

My question is how this old lady kept it together? Hilarious.

Thoughts from a young man stuck on a rock in a river.

After being pounded against rocks in the rapids of the James River I found myself battered, bruised, and stranded.

Being young and blindly courageous affords a certain sense of invincibility, but sometimes we push this notion to limits as my friend Joey and I discovered in our failed attempt to reach a set of islands up river in what looked to be a more placid portion of the flow.

Now surrounded by the torrent of rapids with no life jacket it was a quick realization that there was no going back to the safety of the moment before we chose to dive in. We now were left with the dilemma of being separated as Joey waved to me from his new home on a great log a hundred yards upstream.

As I familiarized myself with the new surroundings I wondered what to do. Was there a responsibility to attempt the rescue of both of us since we jumped into the turbulence together, or was my own self-preservation more important?

Luckily, our friends called the fire department and we were rescued by a motorized raft from the consequence of our judgment. Amazingly the guys that saved us seemed pretty happy about the whole thing. Who wouldn't want to get out of the office on a sunny day to go boating?

Later as the events of the day sunk in I found the situation of being stuck on the rock was much like life. Sometimes we're farther down stuck on a log, other times we are waving from a safer more opulent rock with a plasma screen TV and a three car garage.

Regardless, the pursuit of future adventures often leaves others with the impossible task of navigating the rapids to catch up. In this sense do we have a responsibility to be patient and assist others at our personal risk? Perhaps we decide to float through the rapids of exploration alone, or more simply never attempt escape at all.

I have a feeling that I’ll get stranded a couple more times before I accept the answer to this.

Barry Bonds is Just Like Me

There needs to be a reminder to the world that I made an impact. This is my guarantee that a monument will be constructed one day to inspire the next generation of human struggle in my memory.

This might seem unrealistic looking at my current situation as a graduate student living just at the poverty line of a moderate sized American city, but there is determination here. Making sacrifices in health, sleep, and dating has become habit, and defeating the limitations of the twenty-four hour day is the primary battle for immortal transcendence.

Luckily there are friendly businesses willing to help in this quest. It is ridiculous for a man in my position to prepare his meals. The time wasted on this most basic need should be used more wisely. I could be out saving children from a burning building or discovering a cure for cancer; this is America and every second counts. Outsourcing the maintenance of basic life is a perfectly rationale way to win.

By utilizing cheap quick food my increased odds of gaining the admiration of the world far outweighs any long-term problems that may be raised by my lifestyle. Hell, with the money and power gained by cutting out frivolous wastes of time I will have more than enough capital to correct unforeseen problems.

So I don’t understand why everyone gets so pissed at guys like Barry Bonds. He’s not any different than guys like me. We are just utilizing outside resources for personal gain. Do government agencies or league offices have the right to tell us how to play the game? Are there rules?